“Sharing is a choice. We can practice taking turns”: Part of the Conscious Communication Series

The old phrase ‘sharing is caring’ is often used to promote generosity and goodwill. While the sentiment behind it is noble, it often implies an obligation to put others’ desires before our own, sometimes at the expense of our own comfort or desires. As we delve into this article, let’s reconsider this idea and view it from the perspective of personal boundaries and individual choice. Recognizing that sharing, like any act of kindness, can stem from a place of choice rather than compulsion, allows us to cultivate healthier and more balanced relationships. By understanding that it’s our choice to share, we respect our own boundaries and those of others, affirming that it’s ok to say no sometimes and that our needs and desires are equally important.

Understanding Boundaries

Boundaries are essential in maintaining our mental and emotional well-being. They mark the limits of our comfort zone, helping us express what we are okay with and what we are not. They serve as an important form of communication, indicating to others what we consider acceptable behaviour. It can be helpful to remember that boundaries can be flexible, that they vary from person to person, and that’s ok.

Navigating these dynamics within my own family when my toddlers do not feel like sharing, I’ve found it crucial to create a space for my children to express their feelings about their own and each other’s boundaries. This process wasn’t about problem-solving or telling them to feel differently as my default reaction has been in the past, but instead practicing encouraging them to uphold their boundaries and co-regulating as they navigate their own emotional responses when boundaries are placed or tested.

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries effectively is crucial. It’s essential to communicate your boundaries respectfully and clearly. Consistency is key here, as is self-care. Maintaining your boundaries is a form of self-care because it ensures that your needs are met and your mental and emotional space is respected.

As I journeyed through unlearning people-pleasing behaviors, I understood that it’s okay for others to feel disappointed or upset when I uphold my boundaries. It doesn’t mean that I have to change my decision; it’s my choice. Reflecting these learnings, I foster a space of emotional respect and mutual understanding when guiding my children in setting their boundaries.

Navigating Conflict

Conflict is a natural part of human interaction. We won’t always want the same things as the people around us, and that’s okay. Conflict resolution techniques like active listening, expressing empathy, and seeking compromise can help in navigating through these disagreements. Remember, it’s important to remain respectful and understanding, even in conflict.

Sharing as a Choice

Sharing is often seen as a compulsory act, but it should be a choice. It’s important to respect personal boundaries even when sharing. We can extend the idea of choice to the concept of turns, emphasizing that taking turns should be a conscious, respectful decision rather than a forced obligation.

Practical Suggestions

1. Understand Your Boundaries: Spend some time reflecting on what your boundaries are. It’s okay if they differ in different contexts or relationships.

2. Communicate Effectively: Be clear and respectful when expressing your boundaries. Make sure the other party understands your perspective.

3. Practicing Patience: Setting and maintaining boundaries can be challenging. It may take time for others to respect them fully. Practice patience and perseverance.

4. Conflict Resolution Skills: Work on improving your conflict resolution skills like active listening and seeking compromise.

5. Remember Sharing is a Choice: Reinforce the concept that sharing is not an obligation but a choice. Respect others’ choices regarding sharing and taking turns.

Respecting individual boundaries, practicing effective conflict resolution, and understanding sharing as a choice are all essential aspects of maintaining healthy relationships. Remember, these are skills that you can develop and improve over time. Patience, persistence, and compassion will serve you well on this journey.