Parenting, Mistakes, and Growth: How to Stop Micromanaging and Start Leading
My 5-year-old has entered a phase where eating rice looks like an Olympic sport.
She scoops it up and launches it toward her mouth like she’s in some kind of speed round. Inevitably, half of it ends up on the table, the chair, the floor — basically everywhere except her mouth.
At first, I tried to let it go. Conscious parenting means choosing my battles, right?
But one night, as I watched yet another pile of rice scatter across the floor, I’d hit my limit.
“After you finish eating, you’ll need to clean it up before you play.”
I said it as neutrally as possible, but the second it left my mouth, regret hit me like a wave.
She cleaned. She wiped the table, grabbed the broom, and did the work. But I had to sit there and guide her through every step. And suddenly, I wasn’t just watching my daughter clean up some rice — I was watching my childhood self, trying so hard to meet impossible standards.
I grew up under a microscope. Every little mistake I made was pointed out, mocked or corrected, and criticized. I was raised to believe that if I wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t good enough.
And here I was, feeling like I had just repeated the cycle.
Where Do You Draw the Line Between Guidance and Control?
The hardest part of conscious parenting is knowing where the line is.
- I don’t want to be permissive.
- I don’t want to be controlling.
- And I definitely don’t want to become the hypercritical voice I spent years unlearning.
So where does that leave me?
As I sat with my discomfort, I realized something: Parenting isn’t just parenting. It’s leadership.
And leadership isn’t about control — it’s about guidance.
So I asked myself:
How would the best leaders in the world handle this situation?
1. Visionary Leadership: Inspire a Bigger Why
(Think: Simon Sinek, Steve Jobs, Oprah)
Great leaders don’t just tell people what to do — they inspire action by giving them a reason.
💡 Instead of saying, “You need to clean up after yourself,” I could say:
“In our family, we take care of our space so we can enjoy meals together. What do you think we could do to keep the rice on the spoon?”
Now, she’s part of the solution, not just following orders.
2. Empowering Leadership: Give Ownership
(Think: Brené Brown, Satya Nadella)
Great leaders don’t micromanage. They create autonomy.
💡 Instead of directing every step, I could say:
“Would you like to clean up now or after washing your hands?”
Small choices build independence.
3. Servant Leadership: Lead by Example
(Think: Nelson Mandela, Jacinda Ardern)
Great leaders don’t just talk about values — they live them.
💡 Instead of making cleanup feel like a punishment, I could say:
“I’ll help you with the first few wipes so you can see how to do it easier.”
This turns criticism into collaboration.
4. Coaching Leadership: Ask Better Questions
(Think: Bill Campbell, Tony Robbins)
Great leaders don’t dictate. They ask the right questions.
💡 Instead of correcting her, I could ask:
“What do you notice about the way you’re eating? What could help keep the rice on the spoon?”
This encourages self-awareness and problem-solving.
5. Adaptable Leadership: Experiment and Adjust
(Think: Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos)
Great leaders don’t expect instant perfection — they test, adjust, and refine.
💡 If one approach doesn’t work, I can try another. Maybe a fun approach to cleanup or a special “rice-eating game” makes it easier.
Shifting from Micromanaging to Leading
That night, I felt guilty.
And the reason I am sharing this is because parenting isn’t about never messing up.
It’s about learning. Adjusting. Doing better next time.
I realized I hadn’t failed conscious parenting — I had just forgotten that my role isn’t to manage my children.
It’s to lead them.
And the best leaders don’t control.
They inspire.
So next time the rice starts flying, I’ll take a deep breath, get down to her level, and remember:
I’m not here to fix her.
I’m here to guide her.
And that changes everything.
If this resonated with you, and you’re on the journey to becoming the role model you wish you had, start by reconnecting with yourself first. My free guided inner child healing meditation will help you begin that transformation. [Download it here].
